Psychiatrist Appointment Review

So I saw my lovely Psych last Monday and to be honest I thought I couldn't be bothered to talk and have been feeling grrreeeeeaaaatttttt! But when I got there I suddenly found myself becoming very articulate, clear thinking and demanding answers to questions in a much more forthright manner than usual (drugs or....?)
The Cipralex started working pretty quickly after he prescribed it to me at the end of September (10mg/day) and he seemed pleased with that, as am I and I explained about my clear thinking, positive mood, feeling HAPPY when I walked my friend's dog in the forest the other day (totally wierd and unexpected experience as I don't think I've had a flash of that since 2008) and that in general I am now fine and not mad. So he's upped it to 20mg/day in the morning to top up the Venlafaxine (now down to 150mg) with the Seroquel as a top up when needed (still every night to get me to sleep although I've had one night since getting back from the UK I had a normal night's sleep without it - yeay!) and the stash of other old medications at the back of my drugs drawer that he doesn't know I still have - never know when they might come in handy heh heh.
So, then onto the ECT debate.  Some of you have emailed me with some very sage advice which I am very grateful for.  I agree that in CH the psychiatric profession seem quite....well....keen to pursue this option in cases such as mine but I am still researching, researching, researching.  I explained to Dr I that at the moment there is no way I need it, but who knows what I will agree to when in the depths of despair and depression, so I would rather be informed as much as possible before that situation would arise and if necessary draw up a treatment agreement/non agreement stating what I would or would not consent to.  I asked when they give the treatment i.e. when I am feeling great and do it anyway, or when I am feeling shit.  He said they were able to guage how effective it was being if I started when I feel like shit.  He went through how many treatments there would be and that usually when I started it would be as an inpatient for two weeks to monitor me and then be treated as an outpatient until the "required" number of treatments had occured and then.....get this.....once a month "maintenance treatment"! When did that enter the plan? So, after a bit more discussion about how my family felt and the conflicting views of friends, plus my indecisiveness still as I am still confused by it all, I agreed to visit the Private Psych clinic where I was incarcerated 4 years ago around this time of year, for an appointment to discuss further.
However, whatever I decide, it is unlikely any treatment of such will be carried out in Switzerland for me.  I am planning on going back to the UK next April/May and start in Ski School in a couple of weeks and there is NO WAY I would be able to be admitted as an inpatient or attend outpatient treatments a couple of times a week over the winter AT ALL, unless I go a bit mad in the meantime (which is a possibility, who knows where my moods take me) in which case, as I mentioned earlier, I want to have a Crisis Treatment Plan in place that everyone understands what I have or haven't agreed to.  I need to look up the Swiss law anyway on being "sectioned" as I would imagine they are probably a bit more strict over here given their love of law and order.
Watch this space people.....I will let you know how that appointment goes and they had better be prepared because I will be demanding answers.

Outpatient Clinic: How the appointment was and other non interesting things

Am just taking five minutes out from a kind of "dinner party" as I want them to leave. They all sound like they are having fun but I want them to leave now. Grrr. Feeling a bit aggressive right now.

So, I had my appointment on Monday at the Tagesklinik (day clinic) run by a very fast speaking German who did say I had to tell him if he spoke to fast. I arrived there in good time (tick) and was greeted by Herr S (can't remember his name) who seemed vaguely familiar but I wasn't sure why. Turns out he used to work at the Psychiatric clinic where I had stayed two years ago although he didn't remember me (of course not, I wasn't in any groups to remember as my German was not so good then). I was there for about an hour being assessed as to, well, I don't know really, whether I am good enough, the right calibre, not too mental? I just want to make raffia stuff (as my boyfriend keeps teasing me) so that I am not at home thinking about stuff. So, I think I passed as I have been accepted (and was told my German was good but of course I know that when I get upset that I can't concentrate or think straight and I know they were just being nice). Felt a bit drained afterwards but met up with a friend and did some retail therapy just for good measure.

I have been waking up every night for the last couple of weeks or so in a cold sweat and when I say sweat I mean bedbath. I have too change the bedclothes every day, even if I wear PJ's. Is this a side effect of the medications? Seems to have started with the Lamictal now I am on the "full dose" as per my plan. I am currently on (start raising eyebrows now as have the clinic and my "GP" and my chemist:

300mg Venlafaxine (a.m.)

300mg Wellbutrin (a.m.)

50mg Lamactil (a.m.) 50mg (p.m.)

In reserve for emergencies: Rivotril (at .5mg a pop), Seroquel (up to 100mg)

Yeah, quite a lot. Even my Psychiatrist (I hope he is having a great holiday, it must be so boring listening to mentalists all day - am sure I would be saying "just get a life will you!") has said it's a lot so we are going to review it when he is back. I want to push for some kind of mixed plan so I have meds, group therapy and day clinic for activities. If none of that works, well, certify me and throw away the key! No hope!

As for the group therapy, I am starting the "Emotions Regulation Group" in November which I am strangely looking forward to. I know I can be all over the place and although I accept this condition a lot more than I used to, I still need to work on effective coping strategies and I know I will feel more enthusiastic (probably the competitiveness me returning) about formulating and sticking to a plan.

Embarassingly I had to "sign on" today. Oooo, was sooooo embarassing and thank goodness there was no-one in the office when I was doing so. Had to say I was going to Tagesklinik (bring on the "not going to show a reaction but being really careful what I say" look. Anyway, I have a Welcome to being unemployed pack which my boss has to fill in (problem: he is in Alaska until end October which is not known for fast communications) and now feel under pressure to sort that out too. Thought maybe I can work on a strategy in the clinic in one of my "free" times. All I want is enough money for a train pass but they seem to insist you have some kind of pay for being out of work, which I don't think I deserve because I am an Ausländerin (foreigner).

This all starts when I get back from "holiday" (another story).

So, I also have developed what I would like to call mild Swine Flu. Well, I suppose it's just a cold really.¨

Enough woffle, really must learn to keep shorter posts.