Turn up the heat!

Well, I'm slowly coming out of my low mood now that the weather is slightly better, am almost manic compared to my normal state. Actually feeling positive about life! But don't get too excited - whilst the routine of a working day gives me the structure I need, the fact that I don't always know exactly which days I am working is all a bit unsettling, and I need more regular days off. In fact, my colleague at my shop job has been struggling to find a babysitter and so wants me to work some extra shifts. This is because her husband doesn't know his days off until one or two days beforehand.

This of course means that I then have to try and change my two days work at the swimming pool, which then means that my colleague there is trying to accommodate. All in all I am doing my usual thing of trying to accomodate everyone rather than just telling them all to fuck off and let me work the same days each week.

Anyway, I think I have Monday free, except for teaching aerobics in the evening.

And there I was thinking that working part time would take some of the pressure off me and allow me time to do useful stuff to lift my low moods such as, oh I don't know, meditation? Exercise?

At least I can pay some more of my bills as my pool job pays surprisngly better than I anticipated. My appointment with the kind of debt help people isn't until the end of August though - got to try and hold of the creditors until then.

At least shouty man hasn't contacted me again (yet). The anticipation is killing me.

I've been very good not picking at my skin this week, although the tension of watching Wimbledon has been high. Despite the fact that I know Federer is going to win. Hopp Schweiz!!

J has not been n the best of moods. He has chronic back pain and has been in a shitty mood most of the week, wincing each time he moves and refusing to let me book him in for acupuncture even though it is free on the insurance. I thought about packing him off to the local hospital pain management clinic except for the fact that they take an holistic/psychotherapy approach and he thinks thats a load of shit. I can imagine what his face would be like when they ask him how he feels about his pain and should embrace it as a friend or something.

I am not totally sure whether my meds are working-I keep feeling a bit dizzy/brain + eye co-ordination not quite tying up/shivery feeling, as if I have forgotten to take them (which I haven't). I don't think I am allowed any more with my current dosages so am not sure what to do. Someone has told me it's probably my sensitivity to pressure changes in the atmosphere when the rain comes in. Fucking hippies. I think I just need more drugs. Bring back my Psychiatrist!