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Showing posts with label mood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mood. Show all posts

Monday, 2 April 2012

Did I do the right thing?

I am a twitter user and last week I had a situation where I hope I did the right thing.
A user I follow posted a link to her blog which said that (amongst other things) that this was goodbye. Now being a mentalist I wasn't sure if she meant goodbye to blogging or whether she was not safe. I tweeted back that I was worried but didn't get a reply. Then another user tweeted he was also worried. Anyway, after tweets back and forth and the fact the tweeter has a daughter from the info I could gleen about her, both myself and another tweeter phoned a U.S police department to do a welfare check.
They did the welfare check and all was OK, but I felt an enormous sense of guilt afterwards - Did I do the right thing?
Was I interfering? Did I read too much into what had been posted? I know if I had the police turn up at my door I would probably be really pissed off, especially if I was suicidal.  I don't know, it felt like the right thing to do at the time, but afterwards I felt I had made a lot of fuss about nothing.
I was expecting this week to be relatively quiet at work but it has turned out to be majorly busy.  Technically my contract ran out last Saturday but Ski School aren't worried by that.  However, the office is totally disorganised.  I won't bore you with the details but I am pretty exhausted and today couldn't even lift my head up off the pillow.  I telephoned and lied, saying I was vomiting and had an upset stomach and that I really couldn't work.  My boss asked what they should do.  I held my temper and did not shout "I don't fucking know, you're the boss".  Later, they phoned me (repeatedly I might add) and asked if I was OK.  I said yes and then was told that if I am not in tomorrow then "we are in the shit".  So now I feel enormously pressurised and have also found out that not only do I have to do my job, but on top of that I have to teach as well, plus babysit a kid until 5pm.  So I will be working 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. without a break and then on to my other job which is half an hour at the end of the day closing up a shop.
I am totally drained.  I haven't even booked my flight back to the UK yet, or started packing.  I managed to clean my apartment yesterday and I have to say it looks cosy and back to how it should be.  I have ignored my ex boyfriend (I can't even cope with him at the moment) and told him I would see him tomorrow (in case he had any ideas about coming round here).  I can feel myself sliding a bit but have no time to go and speak to anyone, just to let off some steam and calm myself down.
I think I need some chocolate.

Monday, 5 October 2009

Moods

No Holiday. Too late to get a renewed passport except for an emergency one. Have let my friend down - she has been looking forward to this for months now. So my mood has dropped from the top of the mountain to about a third of the way up from the valley floor - at the moment is stabilising there.

The local RAV (unemployment office) have just phoned me - I have to go tomorrow for the "information day" which all unemployed scum have to attend. I then have the humiliating task of a one to one interview where my health is sure to be probed. Starting to feel anxious now. I think my cat is picking up on it because he is a little bit flighty today.

Sunday, 2 August 2009

Sleep at last!

Slightly amused as have just watched an episode of House where a patient hasn't slept for 10 days and they try to find out why. Luckily, I am now sleeping much better - not sure if it's because of my conversation with Psychiatrist or because am trying to stick to a routine or a combination of both. Got my dose of Seroquel to the right level now and also have a new medication to trial - Lamictal - on top of my others. My depression is having mini cycles so this is to try and stabilise my mood. If it works then my Psych will overhaul all my meds so that I don't have so many to deal with. Boyfriend not happy about it - says that every med I am given is said to do this or that and it doesnt seem to work because I then get another one. He's not a medication kind of guy, more of a grin and bear it (or grin and whinge about it to everyone more likely). Of course, there are always side effects - one being that I may find I tan/burn more easily in the sun (yeah, gonna look sunshimmered as I tend to tan), the other being that I might be overly sensitive to the sun and get skin rashes, the most serious one being blisters for which I have to stop straight away and get a jab from the doctor to counteract it. Oh joy. I work at the open air swimming pool two days a week so instead of enjoying the free tantopup (yes, i know I know, wrinkles etc.) I now have to slather on the Factor 50, wear a hat and sit under the brolly. Grrr. Kind of tried half and half yesterday because sunlight is good for depression - right?

Feeling better than I did a week ago except for being anxious and obsessive about stupid stuff but I can deal with that at the moment. I had an appointment to talk about going to a "feelings regulation" group, in German but I think I did OK because she thought it would be a good idea for me to attend. Really want to go but looking at my schedule for work I think I am going to have to join the October module, when I have a gap between summer and winter season.

Better start tackling the bills. This may change my mood somewhat.