Saturday, 27 March 2010

Taking a Break

Sorry peeps, I have been too busy and important to update my blog and quite frankly, not very motivated.
I have had a good week.  My sister came to visit me so we have spent a lot of time drinking and partying.  Not very good for improving my health but at the same time it made me feel happy for a change.  She went home today and I am OK about it and not a quivering, sobbing wreck in the corner.
However, I have 5k worth of medical bills to pay and no money.  The shouty lady at the local debt collectors government office was finally nice to me and has basically told me that the social have to pay.  Highly embarassing, but until they are paid I can't get any more psychiatric treatment.  Managed to wangle more meds out of my GP though.
This is the problem with the health system here.  Works well when you can afford to pay the premiums but if you are working in the unpredictable tourist industry then you have no chance as you may have up to 4 months of the year without work.  I currently have 100chf and my boyfriend to live off until the first week of April.  And then they say the social will pay anyway?! Sometimes I really miss the NHS.
So these money pressures are getting to me, but at the same time there is not much I can do except find the time to visit the social services which is near on impossible over the next week because of work.

Saturday, 13 March 2010

Happy days....or not

God I am pathetic at the moment. Not only have I had to cancel my psych appointments because I have 4k of backlog of medical bills to sort out but my ex has just left town and all we managed was polite hellos and goodbyes, well, not even a goodbye as he was leaving this morning.
So I am in trauma at the moment in the scheme of things, feel guilty about my current boyfriend being totally in love with me and me still lusting after my ex (still......stilll.........7 years).
I am a bad and ugly person. Feelings of harming myself to take away the hurt.  But that is not good, so I am self medicating with red wine.

Tuesday, 9 March 2010

Slow mail to blogger

I am sitting here in a bar, contemplating life with a bottle of wine.
And I am asking myself, what am I doing with my life?
And I am not sure what I am really doing with my life right now.
Is the psychiatry really working?
Is the medication working