Thursday, 16 February 2012

I'm still here

Wow - didn't realise how long it has been since I last posted.  Once Ski school started I have been thrown in at the deep end, told on day 2 that I needed to work more hours and an adhoc job in a shop that I have worked in on and off for a couple of years has become a daily pastime.
So, my review of 2011 (a bit late, I know):
January - drunk. relationship problems
February - dumped.  Drank some more
March - breakdown Overdose of tablets and stay in hospital.
April - moved into own studio apartment.  Holiday in England for 2 weeks. Drank lots
May - looked for work. Signed on at jobcentre
June - no work
July - no work
August - Started walking friend's dog when she returned to college. Finally felt a semblance of "home" in my new apartment.
September - all too much.  Lots of doctor's appointments, psych appointments. Meds changed. Doc's wanted me to go into psychiatric clinic.
October - went back to UK for 3 weeks instead of Psychiatric clinic. Similar.
November - waited for snow
December - snow came, ski season started.  Went from no work to 44 plus hours a week.

And then 2012. After a crappy Christmas (working so didn't even open my few presents until a couple of days later) and a lonely New Year (ended up drinking too much and sadly joining the tourist info girls for a drink outside in the rain) I then had my birthday to look forward to. Only before that, the dog which I had been walking unfortunately had to be put down.  He was 2 years old nad had an incurable autoimmune disease.  I still miss him (I am more of a cat person but this dog was ace) and cried lots.
The rest of January I was wrestling with the demon drink and knew I was drinking too much, every day as a routine.  The 30th of January was the last time alcohol passed my lips.  Wish me luck.  My friend in Spain who has been dry for over 4 years has been a lot of support and very inspirational.
February so far has been too busy for me to think, let alone write anything.  My mood has dropped - so far this year I have felt pretty manic and on top of the world.  Now I feel like shit.  I got Bronchitis and a Sinus infection last week and had 2 days off work, plus yesterday and today (not a popular decision with Ski School as it is the busy season i.e. time off only if you are dying) but I felt sooo grotty and am so exhausted that I couldn't get out of bed that it was a tough but necessary decision.  I am not sure if this is the depression creeping in again.
Sometimes I think I might as well just go back to the UK now and forget going at the end of season.  But I want to make sure everything is square here before I leave.  All my wages go directly to the Social now and I send them my bills for them to pay.  Luckily in January I earned 3500 chf (about 2000gbp) - sounds a lot hey, but you don't live in Switzerland.
Good news about my apartment though - my ex has decided to take it on as it is cheap and "our" cat lives here - he doesn't want him to move again.  This is great as the catflap is fitted to a window which I would have had to get replaced.  Plus it is warm (hence my ex has stayed over 5 nights out of the last 7 as he has no heating).
I don't know, all feels like such a muddle at the moment.  I just want to get packed and get over to England but am disillusioned by the state of the UK, living in a town I hate and the need to earn money.

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