Tuesday, 25 August 2009


Ok, I admit I find it hard to trust people and to make friends, but I feel very sad today that I have lost some friends whom I have made effort to keep in touch with. One is not a friend but seems to have crept into my place as a best friend of someone important to me. He never speaks to me now and I don't know what to say that will bring him back to me. This makes me cry a lot at the moment.

One "friend" from last year seemed to ask a lot of personal questions of my (kind of) nephew about my relationship and then proceeded to ask if my boyfriend was up for an affair.

But I think I have made a good friend this summer. She doesn't "know" of course, I still don't tell people about me after the last time, but she is fun to spend time with. She is also absolutely no "threat" to me (when I get this in a low state) and we spend most of the time plotting how to get the man she is in lust with.

I'm probably not the best person to ask because even five years later I cry most days about losing the love of my life. Thats when I can't forgive myself, for handling things badly and not getting treatment many many years earlier. These are the thoughts which run through my head when I am in a bad place that no tablets or penknife or hair pulling can take away. Today is one of those days and I am very, very sad. My heart hurts.

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