Thursday, 18 February 2010

it never ends

I haven't had time to think and I haven't had enough to not think.  I am working two different jobs in one day, plus three other part time ad-hoc jobs and haven't had a day off in two weeks.  Normal ski season in february some might say, i just have difficulty saying "no" to helping other people out for fear of letting them down.
And I am exhausted.
This week alone it all finally hit me.  I wake up crying every day with a pit of fear in my stomach.  I am completely overwhelmed with how I am going to get through the day.
But somehow I manage it.  My boyfriend, J, keeps telling me I am stronger than I realise. (He also tells me to think positively - like yeah, right)  Actually, he has been amazing - this morning when I was having my mini breakdown I snuggled back up to him in bed and cried and cried while he soothed me.  I then managed to get up and go to work.  And then cried for another 3 hours. I then tried to tell my boss that I couldn't work all these hours but he wouldn't listen, even used a hospital appointment as an excuse to which he asked whether I was pregnant.  I don't think he believed it when I said I am crazy and need to see the psychiatrist for my meds.  Nope, swept under the carpet and bullied into two more private lessons.
Alcohol is my weapon of choice right now.  Oh, and Seroquel.

No comments:

Post a Comment