Thursday, 5 November 2009

Can this year get any worse (?) and other clinic news

Played with puppets last week.  Not kidding. It's some kind of art therapy.  I made a witch. We had to first make up a background for our puppet and introduce it to the group, then "play" in groups of three which were videoed. We also took a picture of our puppet with an appropriate background for the puppet. 
It gets worse.
We then had to take the puppet and "talk through it" to the Wednesday group meeting (which I hate with a passion) in front of the psychiatric team.

I had a bad weekend.  The slapper of a cow who letches over my boyfriend all the time wound me up so I ended up drinking too much and having a row with J.  I have had two conversations with Herr B. & Herr. S about this and we have worked out some strategies.  I am aware of my behaviour and the choices I need to make, but at the same time I know sometimes I simply don't care.
Anyway, my blood test came back OK for the liver protein test or whatever and I am not an alcoholic according to that (discuss).
Bloody amazing really and doesn't help with the craving to self medicate with alcohol, just gives me another excuse to drink because it is "OK".
Today I was pleased with myself in my efforts to join in the group.  However, there is one member of the group who winds me up something chronic.  He's rude, no manners, invades personal space and doesn't apologise, is disrespectful - I could go on. He winds me up so much that I try to keep away from him but this isn't always possible and I am itching to slap him. Grrrr. He brings out the aggression in me.

Good news though, I was thinking about my progress this year (despite it being so shit) and I really think my moods are becoming more stable, there certainly isn't as much of a drop or "high"  (i.e. normal) as before. Maybe the meds are in the right combination now.  I hope this is going to continue. It has really helped me being in the day clinic and I have revived my interest in art therapy - I actually seem to have a creative side which I never had before!!! (not since school anyway and I wasn't that good then).  Maybe the chemicals in my brain have swapped round so that my logical organised side is effed up but my creative side has developed! 
I am just sorting out the bills now so that my insurance will pay the bills; if I have to leave the clinic right now I think that would be another setback for me.

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