Saturday, 18 June 2011

Is there anybody out there?

I have felt pretty stable all this week, except for Friday when I was unusually tearful, lonely and frightened in my own home.  Maybe it's the extra Seroquel I am taking which is making me anxious or something?  I am on 200mg a night in order to sleep - I was on anything between 50-100mg but that stopped working and so I upped the dose.  I tried Wednesday night to sleep without medication but it didn't work and I spent the night in a permanent light sleep - so frustrating.
One thing I have enjoyed this week is reaching out and reading a lot of mental health blogs.  There seem to be some regulars and most are so articulate, way more so than me.  But what I have found is that I am not alone and some people have way worse problems than me - I almost feel ashamed to consider myself mental.  I know it is all relative and on my better days I will feel like I belong, but I have always had a problem of fitting in and I think sometimes I am thinking that I don't even fit into the mentalists world.  I have felt confident enough to post a few comments and hope I have worded them properly so that I haven't insulted anyone.
Psych appointment on Monday after my appointment with the unemployment office.  Am feeling a bit ranty towards my psychiatrist so it may not be an easy appointment.
Also, with my planned return to England I have been researching the kind of help and support that I can get.  I have found a support group in the area that I am moving to but the hunt for a psychiatrist to see privately until I am into the NHS system again, has not been so easy. I have also looked for psychologists but am totally confused with the therapy types (person centered etc.) so have no idea which one will be suitable for me.  It made me cry as it seemed so overwhelming and scary that I am going back when I am so used to a high level of support over here in Switzerland.


  1. If your moving to the North West I could recommend a good private psychiatrist!

  2. Thanks, but will be to the South coast.....

  3. Why on earth would you want to come here?

  4. True, true, am wondering myself if it would be a good move considering the state the country is in! I just don't know at the moment. I ususally get itchy feet having moved around a lot in my life and where I live now is the longest I have stayed anywhere. But it is difficult to find all year round work and between seasons it is hard for money.