Wednesday, 16 September 2009

Am I being oversensitive?

OK, OK, so I have felt better today until the afternoon and an email from my brother via facebook. Then I went through anger, tears, resignation that I am crap etc, etc. It all stems from a fb page I did as a laugh for my best mate who was screwed over by her boyfriend big time. He also stole some inheritance money of mine which I had lent to my bezzie mate for mortgage arrears. Apparently, well...read for yourself:

If this guy is as much of a dick as he appears to be then I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of thinking that you give a toss about him enough to even think about him.

If he's taken money then small-claims court him and be done with it, he'll have a CCJ then. If he hasn't then aren't you in danger of harrassment here? If people looking at your [work] stuff also see that there is an [me] waging a hate campaign on someone very publicly online then I'm not sure that sends out a good message.

Patronising c word is all I can come up with. My brother is 3 years younger than me by the way. I mean, yeah I know I'm mad but he could be a bit more sympathetic towards me, or is that me being selfish or something. Sent him a snotty email back:

Thanks for that. At least my Psychiatrist will get his moneys worth tomorrow. It's not a "hate campaign" and why is it OK for some people to say horrible personal stuff about me yet I am not allowed to protect my best mate by telling the truth. If he wants to sue me he can try, we'll be quits then. But maybe you are happy with him pissing Nanna's hard earned savings up the wall. And yes I know I am being oversensitive, I have ATYPICAL DEPRESSION, Wiki it.

Me
(Not sent in anger, sent in I'm tired of suffering this horrendous illness and just about functioning but at least J looks out for me and have supportive friends on fb)

Just to explain, my older brother sent me a horrible, horrible email at a very emotional time calling me horrible, horrible names and accusing me of things I haven't done or relate to the person that I really am. Added to matters which finally got me sent to a psych clinic. He said he had sent it in anger. He said he had held a gun to his head and hadnt thought of me. Since then everyone has been on his side totaly and he seems to be allowed to say anything about me and accuse me of things that piss him off. None of us except my younger brother were told about the gun thing. Now I am more open about my depression (everywhere except where I live and the immediate people around me). But not one member of my family flew over to see me in the clinic (I was there 7 weeks). Not one sent me a card or letter or anything of support except my godmum. My sister phoned once but most communication came from me outwards. My boyfriend was and still is shocked by this and (poor thing) he had all the stress and weight of this with no support from my family. Just me, him and our GP.

I have calmed down now but am still very sad. What pisses me off is there is always someone criticising how I react or how I feel towards something that I no longer trust my own feelings or who I am.

I am actually really looking forward to my Psychiatrist appointment tomorrow. I really need it.

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