The reality of Saturday has crept in. It has not been talked about between him and me, it's hanging over me like the sword of Damacles. Found out today that not only was he in the festival tent until about 9.30 latest (so 3 and a half hours after I left, SMS's etc) but then went to the local nightclub for half an hour. Walked one of my friends round the corner to home.
I am raging - if you are thinking that I think he's been with my friend that's not it at all, she is in lust with someone else and I trust J completely. It's the total lack of support which he said I need to tell him when I am ill. Next time I will remember to shout it across the tent.
I must be such an embarassment to him. I am embarassed about myself. I am still crying three days later (and am at work right now), I can't breathe and can't even take a Rivotril to calm me down because I took them all on Saturday night. (I have checked and I can get hold of one more bottle). I feel so alone.
How can I feel so sorry for myself when I no longer have a self to feel sorry for?