Tuesday, 15 September 2009

It continues...

So now I am in the long sleeves to hide the self inflicted scratches on my arm and am mortified, embarassed at myself. Thank goodness the weather has turned cold so I have an excuse to be in jumpers.

The reality of Saturday has crept in. It has not been talked about between him and me, it's hanging over me like the sword of Damacles. Found out today that not only was he in the festival tent until about 9.30 latest (so 3 and a half hours after I left, SMS's etc) but then went to the local nightclub for half an hour. Walked one of my friends round the corner to home.

I am raging - if you are thinking that I think he's been with my friend that's not it at all, she is in lust with someone else and I trust J completely. It's the total lack of support which he said I need to tell him when I am ill. Next time I will remember to shout it across the tent.

I must be such an embarassment to him. I am embarassed about myself. I am still crying three days later (and am at work right now), I can't breathe and can't even take a Rivotril to calm me down because I took them all on Saturday night. (I have checked and I can get hold of one more bottle). I feel so alone.

How can I feel so sorry for myself when I no longer have a self to feel sorry for?

1 comment:

  1. Thank you for following my blog - thanks to you joining up I have found yours! Have read almost the entire thing (although should really be doing something else but haven't got the energy to get up)

    I love the way that you write. How long have you lived in Switzerland? I live abroad too.

    Bellsie xxxx