Saturday, 12 September 2009

Another crazy week but slightly better

Plans, plans, plans. I never seem to get round to actioning them anymore. For example, I have s fitness goal, a monetary goal and three health goals. I plan out a week to include working towards these. So what happens - I just don't do them.

I don't know whether it is because I don't care (because it is all meaningless) or because of years of pushing myself and achieving a lot has caught up with me that I no longer have the energy or drive. If someone were to ask me what would "make" me happy (nothing except for some sort of positive relationship with my ex, but his actions show he's not interested so I will have to keep crying about that one) I would list all the above goals I have for myself. (Of course, nothing can "make" you happy, only encourage you).

It's like I don't know who I am anymore. I did until seven years ago when everything fell apart although the positive thing is that I finally convinces a doctor that I wasn't right in the head and started getting (wrong) treatment for depression.

But at least I haven't wanted to slash my wrists this week! Although I did my usual last Wednesday and got drunk until I dropped. Suffered until yesterday, my boyfriend saying good because it might put me off next time. I said that the only thing that will stop me is to not go out. No-one here just wants to do anything without alcohol being involved.

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