Wednesday, 30 September 2009

Outpatient Clinic: How the appointment was and other non interesting things

Am just taking five minutes out from a kind of "dinner party" as I want them to leave. They all sound like they are having fun but I want them to leave now. Grrr. Feeling a bit aggressive right now.

So, I had my appointment on Monday at the Tagesklinik (day clinic) run by a very fast speaking German who did say I had to tell him if he spoke to fast. I arrived there in good time (tick) and was greeted by Herr S (can't remember his name) who seemed vaguely familiar but I wasn't sure why. Turns out he used to work at the Psychiatric clinic where I had stayed two years ago although he didn't remember me (of course not, I wasn't in any groups to remember as my German was not so good then). I was there for about an hour being assessed as to, well, I don't know really, whether I am good enough, the right calibre, not too mental? I just want to make raffia stuff (as my boyfriend keeps teasing me) so that I am not at home thinking about stuff. So, I think I passed as I have been accepted (and was told my German was good but of course I know that when I get upset that I can't concentrate or think straight and I know they were just being nice). Felt a bit drained afterwards but met up with a friend and did some retail therapy just for good measure.

I have been waking up every night for the last couple of weeks or so in a cold sweat and when I say sweat I mean bedbath. I have too change the bedclothes every day, even if I wear PJ's. Is this a side effect of the medications? Seems to have started with the Lamictal now I am on the "full dose" as per my plan. I am currently on (start raising eyebrows now as have the clinic and my "GP" and my chemist:
300mg Venlafaxine (a.m.)
300mg Wellbutrin (a.m.)
50mg Lamactil (a.m.) 50mg (p.m.)
In reserve for emergencies: Rivotril (at .5mg a pop), Seroquel (up to 100mg)

Yeah, quite a lot. Even my Psychiatrist (I hope he is having a great holiday, it must be so boring listening to mentalists all day - am sure I would be saying "just get a life will you!") has said it's a lot so we are going to review it when he is back. I want to push for some kind of mixed plan so I have meds, group therapy and day clinic for activities. If none of that works, well, certify me and throw away the key! No hope!

As for the group therapy, I am starting the "Emotions Regulation Group" in November which I am strangely looking forward to. I know I can be all over the place and although I accept this condition a lot more than I used to, I still need to work on effective coping strategies and I know I will feel more enthusiastic (probably the competitiveness me returning) about formulating and sticking to a plan.

Embarassingly I had to "sign on" today. Oooo, was sooooo embarassing and thank goodness there was no-one in the office when I was doing so. Had to say I was going to Tagesklinik (bring on the "not going to show a reaction but being really careful what I say" look. Anyway, I have a Welcome to being unemployed pack which my boss has to fill in (problem: he is in Alaska until end October which is not known for fast communications) and now feel under pressure to sort that out too. Thought maybe I can work on a strategy in the clinic in one of my "free" times. All I want is enough money for a train pass but they seem to insist you have some kind of pay for being out of work, which I don't think I deserve because I am an Ausländerin (foreigner).

This all starts when I get back from "holiday" (another story).

So, I also have developed what I would like to call mild Swine Flu. Well, I suppose it's just a cold really.¨

Enough woffle, really must learn to keep shorter posts.

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