The little germ-farms I work with (kids in ski school) have given me yet another infection. This time a nasty stomach and sickness bug of which the only positive part is shitting out some of the kilos that the Zyprexa gave me. So now I am feeling really sorry for myself and wondering how to go on. It's such a struggle getting to work and despite my best intentions it's really hard to stay motivated.
I met with one of my friends who was at the day clinic with me and we had a really nice afternoon drinking peppermint tea (ladies wot lunch) and supporting each other. I was quite honest about my drinking habits and she talked about her medication and difficulties with her job. I felt like we understand each other and what each other is going through (to the extent that you can relate to each others experiences).
And then I left and I felt sad. And lonely. And not well, so I went to the doctor about this stomach bug because my boss was nagging me about getting better before the "high season" (alas not a reference to illegal drugs but to the busy part of the ski season) as there is absolutely no way I can afford to be ill financially or job wise during the whole of February.
I have my appointment with my Psychiatrist tomorrow but I really don't feel like talking. I feel like I am becoming more and more introverted. I am sick of myself. I am sick of the meds. I am sick of all my wishes to get better, of trying to make improvements to my life and taking care of myself coming to nothing because I can't quite manage to get motivated or get organised.
I feel at a total loss what to do with myself and the absence of Zyprexa I can only obsess about one option.